Of Bonds and Sisterhood
by siriusblackofgryffindor
Summary: Queen Elsa suffers from depression. When everything she thinks about is negative, is there any hope for her to cheer herself up again? Or will a little role reversal be necessary? One-shot, done as a birthday present.


**A/N: This is a birthday present for someone I met sort of June/July-ish last year. They told me they liked my first person writing better so, just this once, I'm reverting back to writing using 'I'.**

 **TrassDrakin, hope you like what you read here.**

 **Everyone else, you are also welcome to leave a review. Enjoy.**

 **Oh, and this might start off as angsty, but I assure you there's a happy ending.**

I stood at my bedroom window, lost in thought.

I had just been in a meeting with escorts from the Southern Isles, who had arrived from down south. It was incredibly tiresome, and by the end, I found myself not paying an ounce of attention to what was being said.

I started thinking about everything that happened three years ago. I knew this was a bad idea. I really did. But that's what depression does to you. Whenever you stop keeping yourself busy, your thoughts turn negative. And that happened to me more often than not.

I remembered how my parents went off to sea, and I never saw them alive again. I remembered how I was nearly murdered by the youngest prince of the kingdom that had left Arendelle just an hour ago. I remembered how my sister Anna provoked me unknowingly, causing me to reveal my secret. I remembered how she came looking for me at my ice palace and I pushed her further away. I felt terrible; I knew that all Anna craved was a sisterly bond between us. That was something I had been too distressed to give her.

Now, things had gotten better between the two of us. We spent more and more time together. We had fun together, and were getting considerably closer.

But then things went wrong yet again. It seemed the pressures of ruling a kingdom by myself were taking their toll on me. I found myself isolating myself away once again, desperate to relieve myself of working flat out day and night. I spent more and more time alone, and started skipping a few meals. I didn't know that Anna noticed.

After a few weeks of my now usual routine of finishing up my jobs at top speed, and then disappearing into my bedroom, Anna confronted me. She asked me if I was sure that I knew what I was doing.

I assured her that I was positive I knew what I was doing. She didn't look like she believed me. She told me that I was wrong; that a queen should not be starving herself. I replied by saying that that was the exact reason I had given up eating. Her expression of scepticism turned to that of confusion. I sighed. Then I went through the terribly laborious process of explaining that I felt my jobs and duties were getting too much to bear. That I was feeling extremely overwhelmed and I knew that I wasn't coping very well.

And then suddenly it was like our roles were reversed. It felt like Anna was the older sister and I was the younger one. She took control of me, just like that. She took me to our castle nurse, where she explained each and every thing that I'd told her. She said that I'd been skipping my meals and spending more and more time alone. She finally wound up with saying that I felt my 'queenly duties were too much' for me.

The nurse asked Anna to leave and then asked me tons of questions, like did I feel upset or tense and how often, did I feel uncomfortable being around too many people, all that sort of stuff. I was ashamed that the answer to most of these were yes. Then she told me something I wished I never had to hear. That I was the victim of the dreaded mental illness 'depression'.

I felt like my world had shattered. I felt like I was being drowned. I could even hear glass breaking and waves crashing. It was terribly unnerving.

Suddenly, a knock on the door brought me back into the present. I twisted my upper body to face the closed entrance. "Queen Elsa? Are you in there, Your Majesty?" came Kai's soft but manly voice.

I had no choice but to reply. If I didn't reply then he'd get suspicious. He'd go to the nurse. She'd have no option but to tell him. Kai could be extremely forceful when he wanted to be.

"Come in, Kai!" I called. The door squeaked open, and Kai stepped inside.

"Are you OK, Your Majesty?" he asked, standing by the door.

I faced him fully and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, Kai?" I asked cautiously.

"I did have to knock on your door for a long time before you answered, Queen Elsa." I could have sworn I saw his face soften slightly. But almost as soon as the gentility surfaced, it was gone.

"Oh," I said uncertainly. "I-I'm sorry, Kai," I stammered.

He shook his head instantly. "Oh, no, it's fine, Your Majesty. The only thing I am concerned for is your well-being and safety," he said, making me smile instantly.

"Why, thank you, Kai. Now, is there anything specific you require?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

"Gerda was asking me to escort you down to dinner, Your Majesty," he explained. He didn't notice the change in my voice.

I stopped short. Gerda had never asked that of Kai before. It could mean that she was turning suspicious about my eating habits. It could be that she was talking to April, the new appointed nurse who diagnosed me with depression. It could even be that Anna had accidentally let it slip about my disorder.

"I-It's terribly kind of you, Kai, but no thank you. I think I'll eat my dinner later." Then, I added hastily, "But, thank you all the same."

He nodded, and turned round to put his hand on the door knob. "Goodbye, Queen Elsa," he said, before he opened the door and walked away.

I turned back to the window. Questions were repeatedly swimming around in my head.

Why did Gerda ask Kai to take me to dinner? Did April tell her what was going on with me? I'd always thought you could go to the doctor in pure confidentiality. Was April not the right person to trust?

But if I didn't have April, then who did I have? _Anna_ , my mind screamed at me. Of course, I had Anna. Anna was my sister. But I couldn't burden Anna with my problems. It wouldn't be fair on her, having to deal with my problems along with her own.

And if word got round about my depression, I would be shamed, looked down upon. I was the Queen of Arendelle. That couldn't happen to me. But, if I stopped to think about it, I was already just barely coping. I felt like a hopeless person, who wasn't even capable of dealing with a few meetings a day. Sometimes (make that most of the time) I never even wanted to leave my own bed.

 _Shut up!_ I told myself suddenly. _You're never going to get anywhere in life thinking like that. Stop it!_

I sighed. That was so true. Pessimism was looked down upon. Why couldn't I be optimistic, like Anna? What made me so... different?

I sighed. I was being negative again. I really had to stop. So I had to keep myself busy.

I looked around my room, trying to find something to do. My eyes fell on the book I had been reading before bed a few nights ago. I went to sit on my bed, picking it up as I went. I sat, staring at the words but my mind wouldn't focus. The words were blurred and jumbled together. It's not that I couldn't read; it was just that tears were starting to slip down my cheeks.

My chest started to feel tight and I could hear waves in the distance. Again, I felt as if I was drowning. It was just what happened when I got too distressed. Then it was the glass. I heard glass shattering, over and over again

I sighed, deciding to give up. I set the book back down, and hurriedly wiped my eyes. I stood back up and stopped at the window. I stared out at the back of the fjord, _my_ fjord and sighed. I couldn't even control myself enough to properly organise my kingdom.

Someone knocked on my door. "Elsa?" I heard.

It was Anna. She had come to check up on me again. She had made that her own duty. The door opened and she stepped inside. She walked right up to the window and stood beside me silently. I knew that she knew that something was wrong but like always, chose not to speak up about it.

Instead, there was a long pause. Neither of us spoke, but finally she said, "I was with Kristoff and the rock trolls this morning. Do you know what they said?" She didn't wait for my reply. She just carried straight on. "They said to Kristoff, but I heard anyway. I don't think I was meant to. But anyhow, they said to him that it was nice that he was bringing a girl 'home' but he should really think about taking it further. You should have _seen_ his face! He was sooo embarrassed!" She laughed slightly and even I found myself smiling lightly.

I stood and listened to her rambling on about her meeting with her boyfriend and his 'family' of trolls. As she talked on and on, I felt the tightness in my chest fade away. I felt it was much easier to breathe, like I was out in the fresh outdoors. The pain that buried itself in the back of my mind died down, and with it, all negative thoughts were taken too.

All I could think about was how lucky I was to have a sister that cared. I knew she had kept on rambling to try to distract me. And, for the first time in forever, it actually worked. I forgot all about April, Gerda, my depression and everything along those lines. I listened to her story about Kristoff and his family and how they tried to get the young mountain man to marry her.

And I thought how lucky Anna was. She had found _real_ true love, not something that was forged out of the mad and crazy desire to rule. What she had with Kristoff was real. It was something special that she deserved, something special that only some people would have a slight chance at, but something special that most (or all) craved.

I knew that my time would come one day, but before it did, I had a kingdom to rule and a sister to thank. I just had to be patient. I could do this. I _could_ be patient. No, no, wait. I _can_ do this. It was most certainly possible. I had a chance.

I turned to Anna, who still hadn't finished telling me her story. I lunged forward and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Anna," I whispered lightly.

I felt her arms go around my body as she hugged me back. "You're so very welcome, Elsa. I only do this so I can see you happy," she told me.

That was the second time in the space of an hour that someone had told me that they cared for my well-being and wanted to see me smile. I stepped back, and did exactly that.

I smiled. I genuinely smiled. I hadn't properly, honestly smiled in weeks. I have to say it felt good. In fact, it felt really good. Fantastic, even.

"I love you, Anna," I said, taking hold of both her hands.

I saw her smile as she glanced sideways out of the window. "Elsa, I love you, too."

She hugged me again, and I felt every single one of my worries melt away. I knew that if I had Anna, everything would be just fine.

 **A/N: Hi again to the Frozen fandom. I haven't written anything Frozen-y since October 20 last year. Six months of no Frozen. It honestly feels longer than that though. My only excuse is that I have been having emotional problems recently, and I have been writing for a challenge forum over on another fandom. But, in all honesty, my primary reason is the first one.**

 **Anyhow, back to the fic above. I was so tempted to call it 'Of Bonds and** _ **Brotherhood**_ **' but seriously, where's the brotherhood in Frozen? Duh!**

 **Hope you enjoyed it, leave a review, and I'll catch you later. :)**


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